Closure

This is pretty big, to be honest. If you have read much of my blog and especially my old Xanga, you know that one of the more important events in my life in the past couple of years was the last girl I dated. Things ended poorly after months of going along poorly. After, and since then, I had tried very hard to make some semblance of a friendship out of our failed relationship.

I don't know how much I disclosed on here, but it was painful and exhausting to write/call/email/message/facebook/etc. her (not all at the same time - THAT would be creepy) and to know that she wouldn't even try to contact me until at least three weeks after. And even then most of the time she either was furious about something or her message was merely an apology for not having written in so long, and nothing else.

And I tried! I tried so hard. Say what you will about our relationship, I was a very good ex-boyfriend. All grudges had been let go and all I wanted was for us to have the friendship that meant so much.

And she didn't try. Or, if she tried, it wasn't very hard. Or apparent. Or good. She told me that she never didn't think of me as a friend, so I guess her concept of "friend" is everyone else's concept of "crappy friend."

Well, it is over. All of it.

We aren't friends anymore.

I was informed with the same fury that I used to spend hours every night listening to on the phone. The same blame hurled for vague and mostly non-existent reasons. The same rancor that I always sensed was mostly unassociated with me but still wound up being used on me. We aren't friends anymore. I tried; I really tried. And I failed.

But what a freeing failure it is.