Will I see you give more than I can take?

Last night we started our "Harvest" series here at the church, a class on learning how to evangelize.

This is kind of "my baby." This is the first brand new series that I've brought to the table in my three summers here, and I've been working on it and crafting a vision for it almost completely by myself. In it, I am hoping to break our youth group of comfort and complacency so that we get out and bring people in.

Last night at 6:30 I realized that I hadn't set up our area for the class and feverishly began to throw chairs around. No matter what, there still looked like too many around the tables so I stacked and got rid of many of them (having a whole lot of empty chairs just looks pathetic and often distracts). I looked at my watch and it was 6:35.

So I paced.

I have never been so nervous for any lesson that I've given, for any activity that we've done. I have never prayed so much before anything I've done. Earlier in the week, the teens had tried to hide their quasi-skepticism, but I could see that they didn't know what to expect from the class and were leery.

And I know that they need this! This is why I am so nervous about the whole thing! I don't want a success story. I don't want a personal victory. I don't want to save these kids my-stupid-self. I just don't want to mess up this opportunity. I don't want to get in God's way.

Argggh.

Why am I typing these things on here? Does anyone care?

(and the title of this post comes from Neil Young's song "Harvest")