An Apology, or "What's the opposite of closure?"

Just kidding about the second half of the title.

I am apologizing because I was in error. As I have written, I thought that my friend, Meghan, did not want to be friends with me anymore due to a perceived lack of interest, care, and effort. Then we talked and it seemed quite clear that she didn't want anything to do with me, but that was because I had hurt her by my assumption that she didn't care.

I realized that I do not do a very good job of expressing myself. I am not a very good writer, and I rarely make my intentions as clear as I pretend to know them. So here is some clarification.

Never ever did I write a post mentioning Meghan to slander her or to harm her reputation or to harm her own feelings. I didn't think that she would ever read this (not an excuse, a simple statement). And when I mention her, it is simply because I write what I think, and I often think of her. She was an enormous part of my life for almost a year, and we shared a lot in that time. I have lived in Louisville for 22 years, but after dating her for less than one everything reminds me of her. And so I think of her.

When I wrote of our troubles in the past, I never wanted pity (nor did I receive it, I believe) or to complain about a horrible person (which she isn't). Simply put, I wanted more because she is still such a valuable person. Especially to me. And when I did not get more from our limited friendship, such a far cry from what we once were, I was hurt.

Please don't think ill of her, despite my oft-skewed and unclear intentions. I was merely trying to share my thoughts in the rare instances where I can make sense of them.

Meghan and I are friends now, and we will continue to be friends. This is more than I deserve from anyone, much less this from beautiful person that I've hurt. Hopefully this clears things up. Or makes me look like a fool. The latter wouldn't be anything new, to be sure.

Also, I just found out that I offended my friend Jessie (whom I miss terribly, if you are reading this) with my talk long ago of Soka Gakkai Buddhism. I think no ill of Buddhism, nor of any followers of it, its branches and variations, or proponents of any religion. I never wanted to be waving the flag for high-and-mighty Christendom, thanking God that I am not "one of those pagan sinners." I am a sinner and a horrible person and am incapable of passing accurate judgment on anyone's heart. But that doesn't always stop me, and I am sorry.

I hope this doesn't sound ironically pathetic or just sarcastic, but I really would like to know when I offend anyone that reads this, or when I am simply wrong. Perhaps my poor communicative skills are failing me once more, and we can resolve this. Or perhaps I need to change, and I would welcome the needed improvement.

This may seem worthless to most of you. I'll write about farts or something tomorrow.