Hmm

I was feeling inadequate quite some time before my friend Julie called today.

The sun was nowhere to be found all afternoon. Clouds kept the air hot and humid, and the grass stayed wet. I did laundry and wondered why I didn't feel like doing anything in the world. I tried to stay in bed as long as I could but my roommate was too engrossed in coughing with his mouth uncovered to aid my attempt at rest.

I wondered why I am what I am and what I wish I could be. But I'm not even very good at that. At play rehearsal every line reminded me that I am no actor, and so it seems that whatever it is that I am, I'm stuck that way. I don't even have the luxury of ability to attempt a new me.

Julie called. She lives in Jackson, Tennessee as a recent graduate and still neighbor of Union University, which was destroyed by tornadoes. The dorms were pulverized and lay looking like the leftovers from a bombing raid. Rooms and windows and possessions that once were seemingly fixed in space are splinters.

No one was killed, thank God.

The school may cancel the semester which just began a week ago. People have lost everything, and people are scared.

And I come to God with the same questions and the same prayers and the same simmering anger and the same confusion. I want to do something and to be anything but I am nothing. But, oh! to be like thee. Oh, to be in this world and changing this world and loving this world! Oh, to make a difference! I am not giving up hope just yet.

So I began the day sick of navel-gazing. I ended it feeling guilty for navel-gazing.

Hopefully tomorrow there will be a sun.