Monday, May 19, 2008

Revelations Along the Way

I am sorry for not writing in here lately. I doubt anyone noticed.

I have arrived in Colorado. It was a long and uneventful drive, besides killing a bird. Well, my windshield killed a bird. And I thought. A lot.

Before leaving Louisville, my sister introduced me to her friend Jen and her dog Zygote. Jen briefly and non-seriously mentioned as I prepared to drive off that I should call her to let her know what I learned while I traveled. But I'll just let her read this.

I learned that I make things into too big of a deal.

That is to say, it is hard for me to let things - anything - go. Out of the slightest of actions or decisions I make great determinants of personal merit, of value, of worth. Of identity.

So when I make a mistake, I fail.

When I fail, I am a failure.

This is not altogether correct, I feel.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

i noticed, you crazy sack of potatoes.

also, when you don't fail, and you succeed - do you feel like a winner?

or is it just the one side of the coin you focus on?

i love you! glad you made it to colorado safely
i started clinicals.

emily said...

No, that's not entirely correct. But I definitely identify with the feeling. But that doesn't make either one of us failures :-P

Anonymous said...

I noticed too, you foo.
I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think you are wonderful, and I know you pretty well. It's been going on 23 years now, right?
Glad you could come see us before you hit the road.
Love you.

Cole said...

I noticed too! And don't be so hard on yourself! btw, I'm glad you made it to Colorado safely. I'm sorry again about not getting to say goodbye at school...

Courtney said...

i noticed. and congratulations on graduating and maybe learning something on the way to CO