Love and Bible Class

Today (Saturday) was a full one.

The Thing That Scares Me that I did today happened twice. That is to say, I attended two weddings.

Being a non-married 22-year-old male who just graduated from a Christian college with a Youth Ministry degree alone is enough to mess with your head. But when you attend two weddings in one day where all four parties are younger than I am? Man. . .

The first one was on top of the Colorado National Monument, on top of mountains. It was sunny and lovely and I am a little burned as a result. The ceremony was no-frills, short, and intensely sweet. We ate food and I fought back memories of being in Colorado and being in love with women who don't care that I exist anymore.

I went on a bike ride afterwards to proactively avoid those same memories and worries. Came back just in time to wear the same clothes to the next ceremony, deciding that wearing anything else (only nicer options remain clean) would almost be akin to showing favoritism. And so I successfully avoided a tie and went.

During the second, I noticed that I was losing it when I began writing my own future vows in my head. I looked at older men who still sat with an arm around their woman and then to the young children who are oblivious to any concepts of love and low self-esteem and sighed. Amey's vows touched me when she told Shawn, "I praise God for you."

On Thursday, Harvest was something of a success. We had more people than I expected (about 20-25) and a sense of anxiety hung in the room. The teens did not know what to expect, and so we talked of what the world sees in Christians, and what we should strive to show them. So many people have such negative views of our faith and I encouraged the teens to dream of the day when their faith causes a reaction such as what Paul writes in Ephesians 1:

"Ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you."

I have a hard enough time thinking that anyone could ever love me. Can I really cause someone to thank God incessantly? Could my faith and love really turn a heart to take song?

Harvest received positive feedback, but I got little active participation and a lot of tired, empty eyes. I left exhausted from nerves and honest prayers and more than a little disheartened. The teens left the class thanking me and not God, and singing no songs.

It is still early, so please keep praying for a change. For a fire. For a harvest.

And I guess pray that someone will ever marry me.