That [Expletive Deleted] Cat

My sister's cat is named Jake. She refers to him as her "baby," to herself as his "mommy," and to me as his "uncle." All of these are false.

What is true, though, is that this cat is remarkable for his lack of desire to do more than sit and blink and his propensity for vomit.

I woke up the first morning I stayed over here looking forward very much to a warm shower when I pulled back the curtain to reveal a nice pile of barely-digested cat food. Furious, I realized that whoever wrote "That Darn Cat" surely started with a much different and much more profane title for his movie, because no adjective so innocuous could ever be truthfully applied to a cat.

"That F-ing Cat."

Not as catchy.

Anyhoo, I woke up this morning about seven when Jake was jabbing my leg as if it were a punching bag. Then again at eight when a wet nose was probing my face. Ultimately, I woke up with him on my chest.

I don't know if I'll ever own a cat. But then again, this can't be too different from raising a child.

Except the kids probably won't be able to lift themselves up to vomit in the tub.

Tired.

I have three finals tomorrow. I want to study for this many of them: 0.

Two posts ago, I wrote about love and how that is what I want to do. Well, I'm not doing it right.

I have been worried this entire semester about an ex-girlfriend who tells me that she wants us to be friends and then promptly ignores me. Splashed around in this maddening cycle are sporadic periods of anger. I thought we were to be friends! I have been trying.

I keep thinking, especially while at church, how we aren't supposed to even be at the assembly if our brother has something against me. But what can I do? I have tried.

Now the main result of this semester has boiled down to whiny journal entries and a palsying fear of relationships.

No, I'm just not loving right.

Moron moron moron.

Something completely new happened to me today.

I forgot about a final.

That is to say, I thought it was tomorrow. I was SURE, in fact, that it was to be held tomorrow. I even had it written in my planner! But alas, I was sitting in the library when I received a text message from Jacob asking, "R U coming 2 the final?"

I walked there and laughed very hard, as I normally do when I feel the stupidest. I took the test and it happened. Now it is over.

The stupid thing is that I was in the library studying for a final on Wednesday, feeling a little proud for being "on top of things."

Moron moron moron.

Love is not against the law

Shane Claiborne came to town last night and spoke in a high school's gymnasium. He summed up his book with his striking and surprising southern accent and then fielded some questions. He said some marvelous things.

For one, he mentioned that singleness is almost frowned upon in the church. This is true. When a man gets to be about forty or so and is unmarried, people start to talk a little bit. And singles classes are, like Shane intimated, essentially dating services. But it is a time when one can be completely devoted to God for love. Completely promised to him.

And he mentioned that if singleness were celebrated more in the church, people who choose to be so due to being attracted to the same sex would feel less alienated.

Very interesting thoughts.

Another great thing was a quote by Mother Teresa, saying that we cannot do great things, but we can do little things with great love.

All my life I've wanted to change the world. I've wanted to write a book or sing a song or take a photograph that makes people think and changes them and leaves them closer to God. But not just them, but all of their friends and families and pets and etcetera! I've wanted to be able to speak to a crowd and make them laugh and then make them think and make them jealous of my abilities and make them love God.

And so I've waited and waited for my mediocrity to pass.

I'm sorry to say that it has not. I will do no such things.

So I will teach. And be poor. And love.

And so now I just need to learn to love well.

Worst. Post. Ever.

Well, I need to write in here again before I get in the habit of sloughing it off and winding up obligated to start a whole new blog just to make myself feel motivated.

So. . .I have nothing to say.

Really.

School is almost over, and I am glad. Things aren't quite where I'd like them to be by this point, but c'est la vie.

Christmas is upon us.

It makes me feel lovey.

Who will let me love them? LET ME KNOW.