Monday, January 28, 2008

Random Memories

If any of you used to read my Xanga, you may remember my old habit of posting memories when surprised at the synapses firing in such a manner. Like the smell of my Bible reminding me of muggy summer days reading in front of my window, or a song reminding me of a girl singing it to me on the way to Little Rock, and so on.

Memory One: my Junior year of High School, my then-girlfriend was obsessed with any and all things Disney, and so I began to keep my ear to the ground for new Disney things that she might like. This included stooping to enter the Disney store at the mall, something I had previously sworn never to do. She mentioned a new DVD coming out with a "special edition" packaging of a movie she had never owned, but left it at that. I went to a few Targets and never found it until chancing upon it in a Circuit City. Taking it to the cash register, I was so happy to have found it that I forgot to be embarrassed until the cashier cocked his eyebrows and shot me a carefully supercilious look. I suddenly remembered the obligatory shame and explained, "it's for my girlfriend." But I felt a special pride at having a girlfriend to shop for and to talk about to strangers, and I unexpectedly wanted to go buy more feminine items so that I could have the same limited conversation with cashiers.

And she gave me quite a smooch when I surprised her with the DVD.

Memory Two: I was just reading the Gospel of Mark a few moments ago when I came across a passage of the Pharisees trying to trick Jesus. I could hear the exact words being spoken by the voice actors on the New Testament on CD that I borrowed from my then-girlfriend last February. I listened to a good fourth of the New Testament while driving to visit my Grandfather for the last time before he died, and I can see the exact stretch of highway on my side when I heard that passage from Mark. I spent half of the drive crying for my dying Grandfather and the other half crying for feeling alone, spending so many hours on the road without saying a word. When I returned I neglected to return the CDs to Meghan for quite some time, because I wanted them for reminding me of Grandaddy. In fact, I did not give them back until we broke up a month or so later. I don't even remember when that happened.

No significance here. Just a look into my cluttered mind.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

A Lovely Weekend

Well, this has been (as you may have gathered from the title of this post) a lovely weekend. It started with a canceled trip to Little Rock due to icy roads, so I went to eat Chinese food with two of my favorite girls in the world and another friend of ours. And I ate so much! You'd have been impressed, I'm sure. Then we went to watch a dollar movie followed by a visit to a coffee shop. We played Apples to Apples, and the winner of the night was Mylah with this one:

Green card: "Hot & Heavy"

Mylah's suggestion: "Drew Carey"

I still find that hilarious, and I'm not even tired anymore.

Then yesterday I was going to study but spent time with friends instead, and today I am finally getting some work done after a photo quasi-safari. And I found out that my Grandma sent in $500 to my Spring Break campaign fund, which is crazy. I asked Mom if I could talk her out of it (or at least talk her down, to $200 maybe?) but instead was instructed to be grateful.

Also I have been at the gym, working on my fitness.

I bet this is boring to anyone reading it!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Iota Chi DOES NOT Suck

I realized that I didn't make it completely clear that I, in truth, rather like the social club Iota Chi. It was simply graffiti that I found entertaining.

More: after posting those song lyrics, my site receive no more hits than usual, and I remain mired in mediocrity and nigh-obscurity. And it's worth noting that more web site hits would only change ONE of those.

More: my new friend Mary now knows a lot about me through reading my blog, and I realized that new readers may have trouble just jumping right into the entries, so I will now produce a small autobiographical section, primed and ready to be cut-and-pasted into the future Wikipedia article chronicling my rise to fame and subsequent drug addiction and grisly death.

Autobiography: I was born a poor black child.

CRAP CRAP CRAP this is all wrong. And probably copyright-protected.

Anyhoo, I remember when I first decided to kidnap the former Lucas Matthews and steal his identity and life.


No, actually this is pretty good.

Anyhoo, today wasn't half-bad. I'm pretty glad for that. I hope your day was good, too, dear friend out in cyperspace.

Sunday, January 20, 2008


Well, it would seem that absolutely no one reads this anymore, and that is kind of a bummer. My friend Kacey told me long ago that posting song lyrics always bumps up your hits, so in a gesture of ego-stroking I have decided to sell out and post some song lyrics.


So, this song totally sums up the way I feel today.


"Love Song"

Head under water
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
You made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands

I'm unusually hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
'cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or breaking this
Is that why you wanted a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to
Write you a love song today

Saturday, January 19, 2008

"Iota Chi Sucks"

It's my first Saturday back here in Searcy, and I'm in the library. How horrible it is to be a senior! Don't you pity me so much?

I am in one of the small personal study rooms, and as is my custom, I read all of the graffiti on the walls upon entering. I am something of an afficionado of graffiti, in truth really enjoying it. I don't know why people feel compelled to fill blank space with non sequiturs and movie quotes, but I guess it is the same compulsion that leads people to write, to sculpt, and to blog. We all want something that will outlast ourself and remind people that we once were, even though soon we will no longer be.

To my left, a girl wrote "I'm engaged!" and someone appended that with some crude remark that someone else felt compelled to erase into a smudge. Another girl wrote, "Help me to succeed. . .help me to reach my goal. I can do it! :)"

Then to my right, men wrote "Punk is not dead!!" and "Wash your hand after you poop!!!"

And of course there are the obligatory phallic scribbles and testaments that "Iota Chi sucks."

I suppose I should start studying now. No, wait! I see a free couple of square inches up in the corner. . .

Thursday, January 17, 2008

My Last Semester

Sorry for not posting on here in so long. I know all three of you have been simply distraught.

So, let's catch up.

It's my last semester here at Harding University in Searcy, Arkansas. I am looking forward to leaving. This summer I am going back to Grand Junction, Colorado to work with my church there, and then after that I will go to Spain if I am accepted into an internship program. All still "I-hopes" at this point, because it is the future.

One time my friend got mad at me for not promising that I would call her the next day. I refused to promise on basis of the fact that I might die before the next day, my phone might self-destruct, etc. You know? You don't know what's gonna happen! But my friend got mad that I wouldn't promise something in the future. This story becomes less ridiculous when you learn that my friend is a girl.

But I pretty much just told you what you already knew.

Right now it seems like everything is merely potential. There is no actual. There isn't much for me right here and right now. I feel I've outgrown this place and want to move on. But the future is so uncertain. Jobs, apartments, bills, love, friends, insurance, and lots and lots and lots of rice. My staple food.

So now we are all caught up. Good for you! That didn't take very long at all!

Now let's just hope the semester follows suit.