Saturday, July 12, 2008

Whine whine whine (redux)

I am currently heading toward the end of a boys' lock-in here at the church building. We bought and cooked cheap cuts of meat over an open flame and played video games, and threw tennis balls at each other.

A pretty good night, I suppose.

But I am tired. I am 22, it is 5 in the morning, and I am tired. The boys don't know how to clean up their stupid messes in the kitchen, they won't stop yelling and jumping around, and they aren't tired at all. I put on a movie to lull them to sleep, but they began throwing pillows at each other. I am tired of watching them play Guitar Hero and talk about "pwning" each other, tired of explaining myself and the rules to a very combative and childish 19-year-old, and tired (Lord have mercy, I am tired) of their smell.

Can I do this? Am I cut out for ministry? Am I doing enough? Am I doing anything at all?

I just want to sleep, and then I want to drive until I am out of money. I want to escape, and be alone.

I suppose these words are a tad melodramatic for a blog, but I suppose it doesn't matter when they aren't being read anyhow, eh?

3 comments:

emily said...

Lucas, I teach two-year-olds on Sunday mornings. We have a song that we sing, to the tune of Frere Jaques:

Who made Lucas,
Who made Lucas?
Do you know,
Do you know?
God made Lucas,
God made Lucas,
And loves him,
And loves him.

(I don't actually have any little boys named Lucas, but you get the idea.)

Sometimes I think we all need to take a trip back to the two-year-old class.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lucas! I just wanted to let you know that I am very proud of you and all the work you do with the kids and the church. You know Kevin and I have worked with kids and church for many years. You may not know the impact you are leaving on the kids for a long time, but know that you ARE a wonderful influence and role model for them. Don't get discouraged. You have many people praying for you. Have fun and enjoy the day!!!

Jill (aka Miss Frizz)

Jess said...

I read, Lucas!

And again, I admire your honesty. I've said it before, but there is something so liberating about throwing your hands up in the air.

You're doing a good thing. You're a good person, and I'd be sunk if I didn't believe that that's worth something, and that that leaves a mark.

If you make it through without killing someone, you'll probably have a very lasting impact. ;)